I assume most of the characters I play are exactly like me.

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

My whole career strategy has been to build a base so that I could take the roles I want to play. I'd hate to think that a shorter part might not be available because I was worried about my billing.

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time.

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.

The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead.

Human beings are always going to find interesting ways of making a mess of their lives. It's human nature.

I don't think many people have a very good understanding of leisure and the importance it plays in our lives.

Men dominate because of physicality, and thus they have mercy where women do not.

Young man, Mr. Aubrey has made us so rich that we can now afford to worry about our image.

As a Senator I am opposed to duelling. As Ben. Wade, I recognize the code.

Even the severed branch grows again, and the sunken moon returns: wise men who ponder this are not troubled in adversity.

We see an enlightened teacher to gain a sense of humor, to learn balance and proportion and of course to learn wisdom.

I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down

The poetry is myself.

[But] we accept irony through a device called metaphor. And through that we grow and become deeper human beings.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

Thanksgiving without tension is like a Thanksgiving without turkey. It can be done, but it is not the norm.

The cynics were watchdogs terrifying malefactors. They tried to expose falseness and conceit. That's why their name is still spoken with a snarl.