I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Learn to control the conversation you have with yourself and you will be unstoppable in your pursuits.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

Godlike the man who sits at her side, who watches and catches that laughter which (softly) tears me to tatters: nothing is left of me, each time I see her.

To me acting and singing are worlds apart.

What reason, like the careful ant, draws laboriously together, the wind of accident sometimes collects in a moment.

In the clear mind of virtue treason can find no hiding-place.

The only difference between me and the fans is I can't eat or drink during the game and you guys can't make moves. Besides that, we are pretty much the same people.

The sensual caress of waist deep cold smoke.... glory in skiing virgin snow, in being the first to mark the powder with the signature of their run.

Prayer should be done regularly, persistently, resolutely, and tenaciously at least daily, whether we feel like it or not.

"The word which God has written on the brow of every person," wrote Victor Hugo, "is Hope." As long as we have hope no situation is hopeless.