I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.

I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.

Life is never quite like the brochure.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.

It's safe to talk openly and honestly with people because they're not really listening.

Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly.

I am wired on some deep level to seek out something to be worried and obsess about.

I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor.

For every man that ever walked the Earth, except maybe the sociopaths, when it comes to talking to pretty girls... it's just stark terror.

I'm an old guitar player who has fallen into television and is so happy he did.

I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

A society has no chance of success if it's women are uneducated.

I guess everyone has a bird urge when they look down heights, a desire to jump, without wing or buoyant sail. Fear of heights is fear of a desire to jump.

As you learn to love the company of the holy, your heart will become pure.

I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!

In Manhattan, I often do two or three or more shows a night, so I'm always working on new material.

I love clothes, but I don't have a specific favorite, because I'm very much a fashionista.

When another writer in another house is not free, no writer is free.

No one should be judged by the worst moment of his life.

American exceptionalism is the recurring character in the nation's narrative.