I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The intrinsic and extrinsic heart is always at odds, so which heart is yours? For one will bask in true joy, while the other lives in self-loathing misery.

Everyone is a different book, with a different cover, different contain but the question is do you dare to open it?

The way towards simplicity is through outrage.

When you go through all your life processing and abusing your hair so it will look like the hair of another race of people then you are making a statement and the statement is clear

we will encourage more Americans to study in Muslim communities

Choose to believe in your own myth your own glamour your own spell a young woman who does this (even if she is just pretending) has everything.

I do believe that everyone growing up faces differential opportunities. With me, it was books and travel and some good teachers.

The great number of the Jews furnishes us with a sufficient cloud of witnesses that attest the truth of the Bible.

Words have incredible power. They can make people's hearts soar, or they can make people's hearts sore.

...in every man there is an eye of the soul, which...is more precious far than ten thousand bodily eyes, for by it alone is truth seen.