I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

The more a book is like an opium pipe, the more the Chinaman reader is satisfied with it and tends to discuss the quality of the drug rather than its lethargic effects.

Pure felicity is reserved for the heavenly life; it grows not in an earthly soil.

You are never tempted by a devil without you, but by a devil within you.

The bigger the headquarters the more decadent the company.

I got my career started late so, even though I'm getting older, I don't have as much wear and tear on my arm. I feel good. I really do.

I think in real life most of us don't know how to communicate our deepest feelings very well.

We all have reasons for moving. I move to keep things whole.

Good friends are those who care without hesitation, who remember without limitation and who love even without communication

Confidence, like the soul, never returns whence it has once departed

I've done things to my body, mechanically, that I'll never do again. I've done stunts that I shouldn't have done 10, 11, 12 times. I've broken a ton of bones on sets.