I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Dreams are what keep us growing. They are what keep us alive. To give up, is to let our dreams die.

A little glitter can turn your whole day around.

The only past which endures lies wordlessly within you.

The rustling of the leaves is like a low hymn to nature.

Real teams don't emerge unless individuals on them take risks involving conflict, trust, interdependence and hard work.

I love those who can smile in trouble.

I accept the fact I am an unregenerate egghead.

Yeah, I don't deal with current events or pop culture, and I avoid politics like the plague.

Going out there in the water, it feels as if there's nothing wrong with me.

If you actually have to engage with somebody who's superior to you and actually battle with them, struggle with them, I think it's more interesting, and funnier for the audience.