I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

If I never meet you In this lifeLet me feel the lackA glance from your eyesThen my life Will be yours

In this age, you must be relentlessly remarkable to stay relevant, if not you will be relegated.

The teachings of the Saviour

If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.

You cannot get into business for the fashion of it.

Words are a human way of trying to describe things. But they're much more of interference than they are a help in the world of enlightenment.

External pressure seems to produce internal unity.

Risk is at the heart of jazz. Every note we play is a risk.

In other words, you are our last possible hope. You are our only hope.

I was very studious and square in college.