I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Listen to your mind

We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.

I feel like whenever you dress for someone else you probably won't be as comfortable, because that's not what you genuinely want to wear.

In an era where digital or virtual is the default, the actual coming together into a physical space has to be an experience that you don't want to miss.

If your goals is to produce something of permanent value, you start to think differently about you want on the site.

When people get together, we are capable of the most beautiful, amazing things. But we are also capable of genocide.

Life is a struggle and not a matter of privilege. It is nothing but one's knowledge of the temporal and the spiritual world.

It follows from the assumption of a universally valid ideology, just as night follows day, that other positions are heresy.

'Happiness is a Small Politician' - my mantra then and forever more.

Good is not always God's will, but God's will is always good.