I believe you can joke about anything.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

all I wanted was to go off to some other world, a place beyond anybody's reach. A place beyond the flow of time.

It's not dystopia to think history will repeat itself.

There is no finer revenge than that which others inflict on your enemy. Moreover, it has the advantage of leaving you the role of a generous man.

Many brief follies--that is what you call love. And your marriage puts an end to many brief follies, with a single long stupidity.

It has been hard for me to find it, but I have found love.

And singing is a physical thing - your vocal cords are these muscles.

El pan comido y la compan? |a deshecha. With the bread eaten, the company breaks up.

That's why I call the Senate the graveyard of democracy, because even when you have 58 senators, they can block it and block it and block it.

When you work for something, you appreciate it more. So what are y'all going to do with all the opportunities you inherited that you didn't have to work for?

Every night I get up on stage, I love it. I never get like, 'Oh, I'm bored, I want to go home.' I never, ever get like that.