I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Just a tiny little pain, Three days of heavy rain, Three days of sunlight, Everything will be alright, Just a tiny little pain.

If only youcould see me as the Devil does: palatable & raw

Simple works, complex fails.

There's no polite way to say to somebody (religious followers) 'Do you realize you've wasted your life?

Mother Earth is very talented.

Sometimes all you have to do is ask, and it can lead to all your dreams coming true.

To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.

Success leaves clues, but they must be acted upon.

Encouragement and hope are the two most powerful qualities any person can provide to others.