I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for businessThat's why they're called business socksIt's business, it's business time

Messages of instant gratification leads to a corrupt society

Last year, Yoshino, I walked away bending branchesTo point me to blossoms--Which now are everywhere and I canGo where I've never been before.

(J)ust because your version of normal isn't the same as someone else's version doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.

Musicians are very mysterious and wonderful people to me; I don't know how they do it.

Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past its expiration date. Now THAT is extreme!

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.

The dynamics and structures found in those groups called families in our society may not be evident in those groups called families in other places and times.

Good music grows with age like a fine wine it's gets better and better over time.

I have known sorrow and learned to aid the wretched.