I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Wisdom ain't a virtue I ever aspired to.

Do not come into agreement with fear. Activate your faith, live in victory, speak over your life and expect great things to come your way.

How you spend your energy is ultimately what creates who you

Throughout my many years of service to the people of North Carolina, I have always tried to treat people from all viewpoints with respect.

Create a need for closure.

Friendship is a form of love. In fact, you don't know how it starts or why. It is subject to the caprices of time. It can grow or die without a reason. It can last a lifetime.

Glass half empty, glass half full. Well, either way you won't be going thirsty, count your blessings not your flaws.

Courage is the facing of a challenge with a healthy fear, not being fearless.

I watch a man shoot pool for an hour. If he misses more than one shot, I know I can beat him.

Promises are like crying babies in a theater, they should be carried out at once.