I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

The chance you take, may turn out to be the best decision you ever made." LJB

The earthquake of discomfort you feel moving inside of you when someone insults you is your own insecurity.

If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy but we want to be happier than other people which is almost always difficult since we think them happier than they are.

All of a sudden I had a baby, because it went really quick. It was like, "Oh! I have a baby!" So, it's great. I'm just having a great time with my children. They're here in New York with me.

The end for which Christ lives, and for which He has left His church in the world, is the salvation of sinners.

Your history doesn't need to dictate your destiny

It is time to recognize a simple fact of life. Contrary to what some of my colleagues seem to believe, tax cuts do not pay for themselves.

The basis of effective government is public confidence, and that confidence is endangered when ethical standards falter or appear to falter.

Frankly speaking, I like women. In my heart, I am still teenager. And I am very open and I don't want to hide this.

One may define flattery as a base companionship which is most advantageous to the flatterer.