I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

There's Only so much emotional super glue in a person's soul, that everything just stays broken.

Experience is hard to acquire. Only the wise acquire it

Aside your dreams to improve your community, country and continent, dare to save a soul for God. Show compassion, show love... Feed hungry souls and let God be glorified!

Lust arrives as an angel disguised as love, but it's still lust, not love.

Really, I do not know whether my paintings are surrealist or not, but I do know that they are the frankest expression of myself.

Mastery is revealed in limitation.

Accessing capital to start a business can be a daunting process, especially for entrepreneurs who start out with a great idea, but have no real familiarity with the business world

What if you're practicing wrong? Then you get very good at doing something wrong.

The only thing most people do better than anyone else is read their own handwriting.

I don't know if that result's enough to life Birmingham off the bottom of the table, although it'll certainly take them above Sunderland