I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

a generation:the black night gave me black eyesstill I use them to seek the light

American POWs from the last Iraq war, who were held prisoner and tortured by Iraq, are now being prevented by our government from suing the Iraqis who tortured them.

I believed that the husband takes care of the family, and the wife takes care of him, and they are true to each other. I know that sounds a romantic illusion, but it can be true.

I do films that I like. I have done comedy, romance, everything, and I always like to do it differently from the previous ones.

Teaching is not the oldest profession. But it is certainly among the loneliest.

If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.

There is immeasurably more left inside than what comes out in words. Your thought, even a bad one, while it is with you, is always more profound, but in words it is more ridiculous and dishonorable.

And something tells me if it matters, maybe it shouldn't be easy.

I know how absurd things can get. I've had years where I've had questionable things going on in my life.

I am going to enjoy some other things apart from business.