I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Never give yourself a reason to betray your positive inner-self by playing evil games with negative minds.

Lexi glanced around the studio. She heard him in the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, but she couldn't see him. "A pity, " she whispered.

Grace is the permanent climate of divine kindness

Old age robs you of every last illusion, even the belief in your own goodness.

Lord Randolph Churchill was the chief mourner at his own protracted funeral.

Nature listening stood, whilst Shakespeare play'd And wonder'd at the work herself had made.

When Americans invade Iraq, Bush says, we will be greeted as liberators by the Iraqi people, proving that taking out Saddam Hussein was the right thing to do.

I learned that all things come to those who wait-provided they hustle while they wait.

Bent metal is worse than bent wood and weight for weight is more flexible.

What I find really works for me is dry body brushing; it helps improve the circulation and exfoliates your skin.