I came to America to make it my home, and I did.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

Most people are willing to promise you a lot. A few are those who can promise you a little, just as much as they can.

You are a child of God. You are blessed.

True communication is communion- the realization of oneness, which is love.

the ragged skyline of the city resembled the disturbed encephalograph of an unresolved mental crisis.

When I hooked up with them I was still going to Narcotics Anonymous. But they were never into drugs. If it weren't for the band, I think I'd still be getting high.

You get too old to lose. When you were a young guy, you bounced back from losses.

There is always something new to learn about the person you love.

106 [degrees] in the valley... I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents.

Any politician who is not a unifier is not somebody that I want to be for.

The healing that can grow out of the simple act of telling our stories is often quite remarkable.