I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Setting the intention to practice kindness toward one’s partner or family members or friends does not preclude getting angry or upset.

When it comes to love, it's always worth the sacrifice. Always.

Some have at first for wits, then poets passed, Turned critics next, and proved plain fools at last.

DNA has nothing to do with success. Turn your genes into overalls and get to work.

...having a member who serves in the Government and who also belongs to the structures of the party does not retard this particular objective the separation of party and state. It does not.

The goal of missions is the gladness of the peoples in the greatness of God.

I started with small-press publishers, who were willing to publish all sorts of forms. I didn't move to the larger presses until they knew what they were getting in for.

The painting cannot be laid aside even for a day; for it takes constant work to keep 'flowing,' but above that it takes concentration, which in our language is consecration.

Reading a novel of a private experience, very, very different, the nature of it is very different.

Let not our proposal be disregarded on the score of our youth.