I can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don't have to show up to work until 14 hours later.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Problems are very complicated when you don't know the solutions.

When you pour out words from your heart to your lover, make sure they aren't on a paper vessel and lost to the wind.

Passion is a catalyst for action and provides you with the emotional stamina to stick with it, regardless of the obstacles.

We are all born without knowledge, but curious. With curiosity we should be able to learn as much as possible. With curiosity, it has to take a lot of work to remain ignorant.

I've had a lot of arguments with people, but it's never really gotten physical.

My dear brother, never allow a woman to hold all of the cards.

I don't think the American people, if you look historically, elect angry candidates.

Yes, Hackney has got more expensive, but so has rest of London

Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective.

All for each, and each for all, is a good motto; but only on condition that each works with might and main to so maintain himself as not to be a burden to others.