I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

To Be Successful You Don't Need Beautiful Face And Heroic Body, What You Need is Skillful Mind And Ability To Perform

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

The older you get, the more you realise how happenstance... has helped to determine your path through life.

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Art is something that nobody laughs at and nobody makes any money out of is the attitude, which I would dispute.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

When I was doing Bean more than I’ve done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean.

A difference of opinion does two things if you allow it, expands the mind and widens the heart.

If the bird was made, it chose to be made. It's here because it chooses to be with you.

It's but little good you'll go a-water-ing the last year's crop.

I like beautiful writing, pain, unexpected humor, and the message that, at the last second, people are going to be kind to each other. It almost doesn't matter what the genre is.

Like the wind, Grace finds us wherever we are and won't leave us however we were found.

This day of your life will never come again.

Cultivate the root; the leaves and branches will take care of themselves.

The natural hostility of beasts is laid aside when flying from pursuers; so also when danger is impending the enmity of rivals is ended.

I've forgotten many things, but I'll never forget a melody.

I know a little garden close Set thick with lily and red rose, Where I would wander if I might From dewy dawn to dewy night. And have one with me wandering.