I can beat anyone, either male, female, animal, vegitable, or mineral.

I got this bad allergy - I'm allergic to bullshit.

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vince Russo has been there in which case the grass is most likely dead.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

Vince Russo destroyed the Periodic Table as he only recognises the element of surprise.

I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

Hulk Hogan, you may be a household word, but so is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

I like to take advantage of the simple-minded because I can.

It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess that I covet your skull.

Make a decision and then make it right. There just are no wrong decisions.

No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.

You have to love the office and you have to love our country and what is going on right now.

Failures, repeated failures, are sign-posts on the road to achievement. The only time you don't want to fail is the last time you try something (and it works).

For whatever a man has, is in reality only a gift.

I remain convinced that most human conflicts can be solved through genuine dialogue conducted with a spirit of openness and reconciliation.

Such a man as instinctively feeds on pure ambrosia and leaves alone the indigestible in things.

I’m trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don’t know if there’s any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.

What I've got to live up to, is being myself. If I do that, the rest will take care of itself.