I can get a script and go, "Well, I'd rather do stand-up." I don't hold movies in higher regard. I love making videos and posting. I love TV.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Words are weapons stronger than he knows. And songs are even greater. The words wake the mind. The melody wakes the heart.

People always say it's a shame someone as talented as Ryan Giggs or George Best before him never played in a World Cup or European Championship and I don't want my name to be added to that list.

I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.

The public is never pleased with what we do, wanting always a copy of what we have done.

Twitter, for all its good, is a hate amplifier.

I've been living with myself all of my life, so I know all of me. So when I watch me, all I see is me. It's boring.

Respect Mother Earth and her giving ways or trade away our children's days.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

There are other sources, but Wikipedia is a good start.

I can't do anything too serious like Saddam Hussein, but I would like to do Bill Clinton. That'd be fun.