I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

I owe everything to the army.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice.

But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.

I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry

All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

People always ask you, 'What's your dream job?' This is my dream job. It really is a dream opportunity to have your own nationwide daily sports talk show for an hour.

No revolution without sexual revolution. No sexual revolution without homosexual revolution.

I was worried in the '80s that the best abstract painting had become obsessed with materiality, and painterly gestures and materiality were up against the wall.

Chess is life in miniature. Chess is struggle, chess is battles

We humans fear the beast within the wolf because we do not understand the beast within ourselves.

I am not particularly well-behaved.

Attach yourself to those who advise you rather than praise you.

The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too.

In practice it is seldom very hard to do one's duty when one knows what it is, but it is sometimes extremely difficult to find this out.

As long as we have the possibility then we still have to fight for it.