I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Having a goal and having a dream are different.

Real beauty is to be true to oneself. That's what makes me feel good.

There's no drug that I would never take again.

Progressives should recognize common morality with religion.

There are many things one thinks about in a painting. Often, it's how to handle your chosen medium and how to best reveal the light in a three-dimensional form on a two-dimensional surface.

You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.

I have a lot of fun playing a model on television, and I love being an actress. I don't think I could ever handle that world.

Buy less, choose well: that's the maxim. Quality not quantity. That's the most environmentally friendly thing you can do.

There is a bit of arrogance with 'Hollywood' types that doesn't sit well with game developers.

Getting that audience approval is always a question mark, and it's always that flag that flutters in front of you.