I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

If you Fail, Never Give Up because, F.A.I.L means First Attempt In Learning.

Innate human tendencies were meant to help us survive the wilderness, not make investment decisions.

Those who do not think that employment is systemic slavery are either blind or employed.

Some people will still find a way to create a fire with wet logs.

If we go on the way we have, the fault is our greed and if we are not willing to change, we will disappear from the face of the globe, to be replaced by the insect.

Love is the kind of illness that does not spare the intelligent or the dull.

The production of obscurity in Paris compares to the production of motor cars in Detroit in the great period of American industry.

Tania, last time in Morozovo, I let you go, but not this time. This time we live together or we die together.

Subject has the variety of life.

I pulled a book by Robinson Jeffers off the shelf one day. It was powerfully moving. Tears ran down my face. That's when I became a poet.