I can speak Esperanto like a native.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

She needed to come with an instructional manual. And one not written in Spanish.

Responsibility comes with every relationship.

I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.

cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

I think at its most mature, love is a very bourgeois state. There is something about luxuriating in the nest of love that people fall into naturally.

I judge a restaurant by the bread & the coffee.

There are personalities so powerful that they leave their stamp on any place they inhabit. Their presence is always there, like a spoor, whether or not they themselves are.

Sometimes I like to watch videos of myself and see how confident I was.

I'm an enormous fan of Ron Howard. I mean, he's the most extraordinary director.

Each of the world religions has its own particular genius, its own special insight into the nature and requirements of compassion, and has something unique to teach us.