I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

I am a farmer of kindness and compassion

Happiness isn’t about pretending there’s no pain. It’s about accepting the pain as a part of healing and doing your best to nurse your own wounds with love and patience.

It's just that the grape has me down.

I have been consistent by staying true to who I am and will continue to sing the type of songs that those who have continued to support my career expect from me.

It's amazing to me how many people who profess to be spiritual seekers are self-seekers, and how few of them ever consider God.

The day is of infinite length for him who knows how to appreciate and use it.

The song is languid and speaks of love and loneliness and loss. Why does love seem to go with the sad things?

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.

Call up, ring once, hang up the phone to let me know you made it home. Don't want nothing to be wrong with my part time lover.