I can't get no respect.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

People will come in your life and bring instant joy like a rainbow or wreak havoc like a hurricane. And once their duty is done the presence will away leaving you to live alone.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.

Nothing is worth more than this day.

What happens when children reach puberty earlier and adulthood later? The answer is: a good deal of teenage weirdness.

Set your expectations and goals so high that people think they're impossible, that's when you know you set them too low.

Many invest wisely in business matters, but fail to invest time and interest in their most valued possessions: their spouses and children.

There is always a sheet of paper. There is always a pen. There is always a way out.

Everyone is a buyer, everyone's a potential purchaser and everyone's a potential vendor.

If you're going to be an artist, real life is your inspiration.

Rising inequality isn’t about who has the knowledge; it’s about who has the power.