I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Darling, do you rememberthe man you married? Touch me, remind me who I am.

I'm taking all the negatives in my life, and turning them into a positive.

Really to sin you have to be serious about it.

All that glitters may not be gold, but at least it contains free electrons.

Though science has given us many marvels, it has also spoiled many of our pleasant dreams.

The easy bit is picking up a camera and pointing and shooting. But then you have to decide what it is you’re trying to say and express.

Ignorance: the root of all evil.

I, too, have stars/ and blue depths.

It is not a field of a few acres of ground, but a cause, that we are defending, and whether we defeat the enemy in one battle, or by degrees, the consequences will be the same.

It is not enough to have ideals. We must translate them into action. We must clear our own little corner of creation.