I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

এ ভুবনে ডুবল যে চাঁদ সে ভুবনে উঠল কি তা?হেথায় সাঁঝে ঝরল যে ফুল হোথায় প্রাতে ফুটল কি তা?এ জীবনের কান্না যত― হয় কি হাসি সে ভুবনে?হায়! জীবন এত ছোট কেনে?এ ভুবনে?

The purpose of setting communication principles is to build an effective digital workplace where collaboration and sharing are the norms.

I miss him for all the things he forgot to see in himself & if im lucky fate will help us rekindle a flame that never got set alight in the first place.

Who hasn't asked himself, am I a monster or is this what it means to be human?

The memories of men are too frail a thread to hang history from.

Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.

Today is plenty; right now is enough. Tomorrow will come in good time. Until it does, live the depth of now.

The problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have its protection.

Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.

I prefer liquor store robbers with hungry kids to companies that locate offshore to avoid U.S. taxes.