I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.

There is no eleventh hour with Cosmic Ordering, only the golden hour.

Conventional wisdom in Galbraith's view must be simple, convenient, comfortable and comforting - though not necessarily true.

Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you and you will be surprised what a happy life you will live.

Most of us must learn a great deal every day in order to keep ahead of what we forget.

Too many times we're looking for ways to get around deep waters and dangerous fires, rather than through them. Has this ever been your experience?

It will be a shame if either side lose, and that applies to both sides.

I'll be a little bummed out if I make it to my 70s and didn't have a kid. I have two dogs and I know how much I love them. I would like to love and raise a kid.

To be that big of a star and that grounded and that classy, I'm mean [ George Clooney] was a true mentor for me and, as a director, he's incredible.

The people you save won't celebrate you. They'll gather the wood and cheer while you burn.

You cannot divide human beings into those who worship and those who don't. Everybody worships; it's just a matter of what, or whom, we serve.