I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Something amazing happens when you're in love and don't give a damn about what day it is anymore.

We are powerful beyond imagination.

Sectarian thinking is contagious and rapidly spread.

The vision of milk and honey, it comes and goes. But the odor of cooking goes on forever.

I hadn't really noticed that I had a hearing problem. I just thought most people had given up on speaking clearly.

There's so much saint in the worst of them, and so much devil in the best of them, that a woman who's married to one of them, has nothing to learn of the rest of them.

A way you can get really good abs in film is you get your makeup artist to paint shadows - faux washboard. But if you see me in a movie and I have great abs, it means I have a great body double.

If you have a camera in the courtroom, there's no filtering. What you see is what's there.

Men have no better guidance than examples and facts proved by experience.

I believe in a real, physical world. I figure if the world existed only in my mind, it would pay more attention to me.