I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

What we think about others is what others think about US!

Knowledge makes sounds

To become an effective radiation researcher, you must develop the ability to discern fact from fiction.

Fight Apathy! ... or don't.

We do play to our audience. It's very important. You can't create music in a vacuum.

When the remarkable becomes bizarre, reason turns rancid.

To a writer, madness is a final distillation of self, a final editing down. It's the drowning out of false voices.

Solitude is sometimes best society.

The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.

Your customers dream of a happier and better life. Don't move products. Instead, enrich lives.