I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.'

There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.

Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives.

I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do.

It gets tiring being a smartass.

I don't think there's any thrill in the world like doing work you're good at.

This is a time in my life where I'm gonna behave like an elegant human being. Or not.

I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired.

if somebody doesn't have any talent, get off the stage! you're wasting my time.

Everybody's got a sack of rocks.

I love holidays in New York. I love 'em. I want to celebrate something all the time and New York has holidays for every day of the week, practically. I like holidays in New York City.

Stray cats are like two-timing men. He got tired of you and took off. He doesn't find anyone new? He'll come slinking back. By then, if you're smart, you'll have decided you're better without him.

You are the monster I claim, mein Herr.

Every day is a challenge, a challenge of happinesswhether you can still wear a smile at the end of a depressing day or you will totally miss it.

I'm crazy, Zed.' There, I'd admitted it.'Uh-huh. And I'm crazy too -about you.

I love you"s are exhanged excessively under our roof. Cancer teaches you how important and critical that is.

I write books that way - I put a first line down and say, "Where does this go?"

I don't ever be trippin off of what ain't mine.

Despair makes us serve evil as much as good.

You can't beat two guitars, bass, and drums.

I love to be able to support other women comics.