I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.From an Irish headstone

My heart had a crush on him from the moment we met, but it was faint, and the rest of me stubbornly refused to play along.

Never give up. May hope be your anchor.

Later—how much later? Hard to tell. In times of tragedy clocks will trick you—Philip stood in the kitchen doorway.

So be satisfied and quiet, be contented with your contentment. I lack certain things that others have, but blessed be God, I have a contented heart which others have not.

Get what you can, and what you get hold; 'tis the Stone that will turn all your Lead into Gold.

Time will unfold its leaves.

I was not an activist.

Every one of my books had killed me a little more.

We sit inert, like dead specimens of some museum, while lessons are pelted at us from on high, like hailstones on flowers.