I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

He slides into second with a stand-up double.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

A hallmark of virtuous adulthood is learning to find freedom in your work rather than freedom from your work, even when work might hurt.

Tonight I have nothing to do but to dream and hope.

The secret to my success is actually simple: I failed so many times that succeeding eventually became a mathematical certainty.

I was 13 and a teenager, as well. When you're that age, you want to be an adult, in a way, but you don't want to have the responsibilities of an adult. You still want to have the freedom.

You know, being an entrepreneur is super hard work, and if you're not passionate about what you're doing, you're probably not going to succeed.

You either choose to view America as the shining city on the hill that inspires the best in all mankind, or you don't.

I love it when artists talk about process! I love the movie Comedian.

Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

We, the comics that we like, we're all, like, post-humor.

You have to believe in the process. You have to believe in the things that you are doing to help the team win. I think you have to take the good with the bad.