I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I don't know what God intends, or what qualifies Him to forgive me, ' Sobran said

It would have been magical I was sure, if I hadn't caught my marshmallow on fire and dropped it on his shoe.

The barriers that renewables and efficiency face come less from our living in a capitalist market economy and more from not taking market economics seriously.

I don't write novels about expeditions to the planet Mars because I haven't been there and I don't know anything about it.

It's the internet like the flu - it just spreads like crazy.

You don't want to be the best at what you do, you want to be the only one.

A well installed microcode bug will be almost impossible to detect.

The British Constitution has always been puzzling and always will be.

Retirement can and will be a glorious time in your life. You'll love the freedom and ability to try new things. It's a new phase of life; a chance to be a beginner again.

Sometimes actors come in, you record them, and they do their role.