I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

A black hole holds all the colors of the universe.

I was left behind with the immensity of existing things. A river, suffering because reflections of clouds and tress and not clouds and trees.

A mountain you're plannin' on climbin' ain't the same as the one you ain't. It ain't so pretty.

Ah, to build, to build! That is the noblest of all the arts.

Sometimes bad is bad.

You were created to excel. There’s no limit to how high you can go in life. Keep stretching to the next level.

There is no truth without responsibility following in its wake.

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way.

I do really well under pressure.

She knew it was the right decision, even though she was still scared. Doing nothing would achieve nothing.