I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

The true source of our sufferings has been our timidity.

I follow politics, but I don't like to discuss it.

Thinking should become your capital asset, no matter whatever ups and downs you come across in your life.

A treaty cannot be made which alters the Constitution of the country, or which infringes and express exceptions to the power of the Constitution.

I've always been able to keep my private life separate from my business.

Hopes, dreams, faith and a sense of mission enable us to open up our lives.

Israel is a democratic state with an independent judiciary, a free press and a diverse population of many cultures, religions and creeds.

Let no one think that real gardening is a bucolic and meditative occupation. It is an insatiable passion, like everything else to which a man gives his heart.

Given what the media have put the country through this past decade, it must come as a surprise to most Americans that the press has a code of ethics.

I still have a video of my father, which I watch before every game I play for Brazil. It gives me strength, makes me determined.