I could do without many things with no hardship-you are not one of them.

Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

Please don't lie to me,unless,you're sure I'll never find out the truth.

The greatest obstacle to discovering the truth is being convinced that you already know it.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

I too have known joy and sadness, and, on the whole, I prefer joy.

I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Keep some souvenirs of your past, or how will you ever prove it wasn't all a dream?

One of the things we know is that you cannot motivate other people, but you can remove the obstacles that stop them from motivating themselves. All motivation is self-motivation.

Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!

It is no use to grumble and complain; It's just as cheap and easy to rejoice; When God sorts out the weather and sends rain - Why, rain's my choice.

She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow.

I'll admit I wanted to be a pilot, originally.

What do you say when someone has truly inspired you? How do you express to an artist how deeply their work has affected you?

I don't think age is an ugly process. I think age is a beautiful thing. I love wrinkles. I don't like falling down. If I just wrinkle, I may not touch. If I fall down, I'll lift up.

We should not accept in silence the benefactions of God, but return thanks for them.

A woman's paradise is under her husband's foot

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.