I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

The statements of atheists ought to be perfectly clear of doubt. Now it is not perfectly clear that the soul is material.

If you make your business about helping others, you'll always have plenty of work.

Wisdom is worried for being slow in its speech and expeditious in its actions.

I'm not really a horror movie fan.

People with HIV are still stigmatized. The infection rates are going up. People are dying. The political response is appalling. The sadness of it, the waste.

I don't think, until you've actually lost somebody you really love, that you can go through that door that allows you to be grown-up.

It is never too late to be who you want to be.

The so-called film star's lot is an infantile and precarious one.

Are we not like the actor of old times, who wore his mask so long his face took its likeness?

Each environment has its own signature. Sound tells a story: You make choices about what you're hearing, where to look, how you want to feel about what's going on.