I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

If you want it, work for it.

There is only one thing children find harder to hold back than tears, and that is joy.

But it would be like going to Heaven and not finding any of your friends there. Her life would go all beatific and empty in the eyes.

Throughout your life advance daily, becoming more skillful than yesterday, more skillful than today. This is never-ending.

Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.

The basic guarantees of our Constitution are warrants for the here and now, and unless there is an overwhelmingly compelling reason, they are to be promptly fulfilled.

My mind cannot know you, only labels, judgments, facts, and opinions about you. Being alone knows directly.

Doing the good deeds is like the grass in the garden. You don't see its growth. But, it does by days. Doing the wicked deeds is like the hone. You don't see its damage. But, it does by days.

Body is not veiled from soul, neither soul from body, Yet no man hath ever seen a soul.

Practice works because practice gives us a chance to relax enough to make smart choices.