I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Stop using him, and start protecting him. I know he thinks he doesn't need it, but sometimes he does. Sometimes we all do.

I do not expect the white media to create positive black male images.

The measure of love is love without measure.

No way did I ever think I was going to win the 100m.

Increasing your repertoire has the advantage that you don't have to give up enjoying what you already like: it is always easier to add new behaviors than to deny your deepest desires.

Sure. Some of the reviews have been very flattering, but the series is not finished yet. The end needs to be as strong as the beginning.

China has to understand America wants to trade with them. We want a world that's stable. We like free enterprise, but you got to play by the rules.

There is no time like the old time, when you and I were young!

I'm not saying we all have to love each other. I'm not saying we all have to agree with each other. I'm not even saying we have to like each other but let's respect each other.

People that are born beautiful like supermodels act like entitled a**holes. It makes you embarrassed just to see 'em. They handle beauty embarrassingly.