I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Crossing the Fens by boat there comes the realisation that water not earth or sky is the natural element in this landscape.

I'm going to get myself one of those, um, movable computers - what do you call them... ? Laptops! I am bad. I still call my radio a wireless.

Your body language shapes who you are

It is the compelling power of great thoughts and ideas to engender phrases of equal size.

I have everything in my house organized to an unnecessary T, and I love it! The only downside: I have no excuses for losing my to-do lists.

What you have known of this life so far is only a dream, a slim dream at that. As one who has traveled greatly in the worlds, I can assure you there is much to see and much to become.

They are nonhuman persons. They are not food. If animals matter morally at all, there is one and only one rational response: go vegan. Everything else is just participation in animal exploitation.

The gift of sonship to God becomes ours not through being born, but through being born again.

All is ephemeral - fame and the famous as well.

The celestial order and the beauty of the universe compel me to admit that there is some excellent and eternal Being, who deserves the respect and homage of men