I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.

I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.

And I have one of those very loud, stupid laughs. I mean if I ever sat behind myself in a movie or something, I'd probably lean over and tell myself to please shut up.

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

You can't stop a teacher when they want to do something. They just do it.

The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has — I'm not kidding.

Grand. There's a word I really hate. It's a phony. I could puke every time I hear it.

Mothers are all slightly insane.

Certain things, they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.

Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.

Make a spurious division of one process into two, forget that you have done it, and then puzzle for centuries as to how the two get together.

An excellent wine, someone's best attempt at cooking, and the candles and flowers on the table can turn the simplest dinner into an unforgettably romantic event.

The master of your body did not run off and leave you masterless.

I'm really into mainstream rap and R&B, but I never saw myself as intertwined in that world.

Big women do themselves a disservice when they attempt to become the Righteous Fat (the Righteous Thin are bad enough, all that running around and sweating, somehow believing it means anything).

Perform as many times as you can in front of people you don't know.

Nations have always good reasons for being what they are, and the best of all is that they cannot be otherwise.

A lot of people in the adult population have a very limited idea as to why they are Americans, why we have a First Amendment or a Bill of Rights.

I was always curious why certain marketing worked and some marketing did not.

Humans need fantasy in order to be human.