I'd like to make people who see me in comic pantomime on the screen feel the way Mark Twain makes his readers feel.

I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.

I never cease to wonder at my luck in having for my sister the woman who, more than any other woman in America, possesses all the qualities of true greatness.

I thought comedians had to have black on their faces or red beards.

Do you know New York stifles me? It makes me so unhappy. There are so many things I want, and so many things I cannot afford to have. I don't see how people ever have money enough to live here.

If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results.

Because they are ignorant and their parents are ignorant. Because they don’t know any better.

Look around you, something is behind you. find it whether it's me or your Shadow

a grudge will soon rot the pocket you carry it in.

It is a revolution that came to power with its own army and on the ruins of the army of oppression.

Many a smiling face hides a mourning heart; but grief alone teaches us what we are.

One may wonder indeed whether the pretense of superior health is not itself rapidly becoming a mental aberration.

I've succeeded at everything except my life.

It's hard being Thom Yorke. You have to get up every morning and look at that face and not shoot at it with a gun.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.