I'd like to start a family but you have to have a date first.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Hope is made of air, and wishes. An empty box wrapped in shiny paper.

Power is not pleasure, power is pain.

If you think someone is humble, never tell them so. You will unknowingly rob them of the very thing you admire.

Given the blatant deceit regarding the biologically harmful effects of antenna towers, cell phones and WiFi radiation, one can only wonder what is going on with all of the other forms of radiation.

All the discontented people I know are trying to be something they are not to do something they cannot do.

If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions! The only real defence civilized man has against anybody who bothers him is to lie. There would be no lies if there were no questions.

Writing is a totally different brain than directing, at least for me. With writing, you're trying your best to foresee all the problems before they happen. It's more architectural in a weird way.

Literature is an inquiry into the deepest yearnings of the human spirit.

Everybody funny, now you funny too.

Life is a publicity stunt. A shill. You've been had.