I'd never have written the big books in London.

Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.

The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

I have a theory that the secret of marital happiness is simple: drink in different pubs to your other half.

Youve simply got to go on and on with your family and friends and tell them how much you love them because you never know whether theyll be there tomorrow, do you?

At home I have big vats of cabbage soup that I make to slim down.

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.

I love the long grass coming up to meet the willows.

If you feel compelled to give a New Year's Eve party, don't invite people to arrive too early or they'll go off the boil before midnight.

People who can write a book usually do.

I was so flattered that someone wanted me to write a book, I said I would. It was published in 1969.

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.

The nail that sticks out farthest gets hammered the hardest.

She gave herself up to the waves of the storm. If they drowned, it would be together, a shattered vessel on the sea, a collision of longing and desire.

I feel like women are frequently seen as guests in the comedy world.

When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it's pretty certain that she has his.

If you go long enough without a bath, even the fleas will let you alone.

It all depends on what you're willing to invest time and effort in and put your mind to. That's what separates winners from losers. Winners are the ones who want the most out of their opportunities.

When you do things for others; don't expect your good deeds to be returned. Do it because you enjoy making someone's day.

Back then it was nothing like today. So you'd go to the bowling alley. We bowled and you could be in the back and you could make out, you know? And you know how hot it was to make out.