I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn.

Little girls get hurt when they play grown-up games.

I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy.

We certainly do not regard it as right that the citizens of a large country should dominate those of a small adjoining country merely because they are more numerous.

As long as you're eating well and moving your body every day, age is just a state of mind

The question now is: Can we understand our stupidity? This is a test of intellect, not of character.

This is a very big victory for Michael and we are all very proud that he has been completely and totally vindicated in court, as we were certain he would be.

Tomorrow you'll be brave, you say? Fool! Dive today.

Complete health and awakening are really the same.

A friend giveth sympathy in trouble.