I detest converts almost as much as I do missionaries.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Sólo con una ardiente paciencia conquistaremos la espléndida ciudad que dará luz, justicia y dignidad a todos los hombres. Así la poesía no habrá cantado en vano.

People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

The only time you've been under me is when I've been inside of you and even then, you're never truly under me. I always remain under you.

To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.

War is a sociological safety valve that cleverly diverts popular hatred for the ruling classes into a happy occasion to mutilate or kill foreign enemies.

Now that I'm feeling the responsibilities of adulthood, the choices we make become an incredible weight.

The human body is vapor materialized by sunshine mixed with the life of the stars.

Life itself is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be.

When we're talking about the "American response" to any disaster, it's not just a government response, an official response, it's a popular response.

If you wait until you have to change, you may have waited too long.